georgia vs russia

Russia with a Dollop of Georgia

September 2008

For years, I knew exactly how Russians were. They were godless, militaristic, borsch-eating commies. Life was simple then. We hated each other and we were destined to blow each other up, along with the rest of the world. Those were the good old days. Then some stuff happened in the 90's and they were all, "We're not Commies anymore. We love freedom and stuff." I knew it was a lie so it didn't really change my opinion of them.

Then they invaded Georgia. How dare they launch an attack on American Soil! (They would never have done that if Reagan were still in office.) To make matters worse, there has been all this Nucular Disarmemant crap going on, so we couldn't simply nuke them. The whole ordeal just proved to me that Russians are still the same evil warmongers they were in the 1980's.

Although I must say, I did have a change of heart after witnessing the aftermath of Russia's war with Goergia. Their adventure in attacking America really changed them. They have taken bits of Georgian culture and integrated them into their own. It such a beautiful blending of world cultures. Soon all cultures will blend until everyone is just like America. Earth will be an Eden.

How have the Russians changed?

Food

Russians used to eat borsch for every meal, everyday. Since their exposure to southern cookin' while bombing Atlanta, they expanded their menu.

borsch

Corn Bread and Fried Chicken have been added as staples of the Russian diet. I heard a rumor that Paula Deen is printing a special edition of a cookbook just for Russians.

Drinks

Those Ruskies love washing down that borsch with a pint of vodka. Now they can wash down borsch, fried chicken, cornbread (and possibly gritz) with delicious Georgia Peach Vodka.

vodka

Hair

Russians were so impressed by Georgian hair styles that they not only adopted them, but revised history with them. See how sexy Gorbachev looks with this stylish hair?

gorbachev