Tales of Mild Terror

Don't Ever Step on a Grave

Julie never liked graveyards. She always thought a field full of dead people was kind of creepy. But her friend at the hospital, DaYondra, had talked her into to going to a graveyard on Halloween night.

"Girl, you are freaky uptight. Really, you got to loosen up. You spend to much time working in this stinky hospital. It's Halloween, You need a good scare...and some man meat. But we can take care of that later." said DaYondra.

Julie rolled her eyes. "Yondra, that's your solution to everything. Like, why would I want to go to a graveyard? They are sooo creepy. I just want to go home and watch the episodes of Degrassi I Tivoed"

"Girl, I aint askin'. You comin' to that graveyard with me or I will kick your skinny little white girl booty up and down this hallway."

Julie and DaYondra drove to the old City Cemetery. The night was somewhat overcast, but a full moon was seen from time to time through the gray clouds. As they passed the cornfields, which were now dried up and decorated with scarecrows, DaYondra decided it was time to set the mood. Plus she needed to fart and thought talking would be a good way to cover the sound. So, she told Julie that her Great Aunt Lucinda used to take her to the graveyard when she was a little girl and scare her half to death.

"Ya know, they say you should neva step on a grave. Stirs up bad spirits. They reach up through the ground and pull you down into the grave with 'em." DaYondra said in her spookiest voice.

"Yondra, stop trying to scare me. It's totally not going to work. OMG, do you think I'm like, five years old."

"Hmm, we'll see. I'm gonna have you crying like a baby."

"Whatever, you are sooo totally full of crap." Julie paused to look out the window. "OMG, did you fart. That is soo gross, like, ewwwwwww! You are so mature."

"Shut up and get out of my car." DaYondra sassed as they pulled up to the cemetery parking lot.

They slowly walked through the dark, silent graveyard. They came upon the perfect grave - a tall stone cross with plenty of space around it. DaYondra explained the rules.

"Alright, you gots to stand on this grave and count to five. Then you stick this pocket knife into the ground. That stops the spirits from following ya." she said "But you gots to do it alone. I'm gonna go hide behind that tree."

"Like, this is so dumb. I can't believe I'm doing this. So stupid." Julie said under her breath. She paused and reluctantly went to the grave.

"One."said Julie impatiently

DaYondra quickly pulled the werewolf mask out of her purse.

"Two."

"Three"

"Oh, she is gonna pee her pants."DaYondra chuckled to herself.

"Four."

"Five."

The very moment Julie was putting the knife into the ground, DaYondra jumped out from behind the tree. Her arms flailing, she howled and growled like a wolf. Julie screamed and tried to run away, unfortuneatley during DaYondra's scare she put the knife through her flip-flop and into the ground. She was stuck. She let out a blood-curdling scream and passed out. DaYondra walked slowly toward the grave.

"Oh, she is such a baby."

As soon as the words left her lips she noticed the ground seemed to be moving. A hand dug it's way out the ground and began choking Julie. DaYondra began mumbling incoherently and turned to run. She didn't make it far before she came face to face with a horrible zombie. It groaned and lurched toward her, stumbling more than walking. Suddenly she heard a thunderous noise. She looked up in time to see American Airlines Flight 1122 heading straight for her.

The plane crash destroyed most of the cemetery. There was only one survivor, but the zombies ate his brains.

 

See last year's Halloween Page.

 

 

Halloween Makeover

Da Vinci's Lady with Ermine

 

 

Spooky Poem Spotlight

'Der Erlkönig' by Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

Wer reitet so spät durch Nacht und Wind?
Es ist der Vater mit seinem Kind;
Er hat den Knaben wohl in dem Arm,
Er faßt ihn sicher, er hält ihn warm.

"Mein Sohn, was birgst du so bang dein Gesicht?"
"Siehst, Vater, du den Erlkönig nicht?
Den Erlenkönig mit Kron und Schweif?"
"Mein Sohn, es ist ein Nebelstreif."

"Du liebes Kind, komm, geh mit mir!
Gar schöne Spiele spiel' ich mit dir;
Manch' bunte Blumen sind an dem Strand,
Meine Mutter hat manch gülden Gewand."

"Mein Vater, mein Vater, und hörest du nicht,
Was Erlenkönig mir leise verspricht?"
"Sei ruhig, bleib ruhig, mein Kind;
In dürren Blättern säuselt der Wind."

"Willst, feiner Knabe, du mit mir gehn?
Meine Töchter sollen dich warten schön;
Meine Töchter führen den nächtlichen Reihn,
Und wiegen und tanzen und singen dich ein."

"Mein Vater, mein Vater, und siehst du nicht dort
Erlkönigs Töchter am düstern Ort?"
"Mein Sohn, mein Sohn, ich seh es genau:
Es scheinen die alten Weiden so grau."

"Ich liebe dich, mich reizt deine schöne Gestalt;
Und bist du nicht willig, so brauch ich Gewalt."
"Mein Vater, mein Vater, jetzt faßt er mich an!
Erlkönig hat mir ein Leids getan!"

Dem Vater grauset's, er reitet geschwind,
Er hält in Armen das ächzende Kind,
Erreicht den Hof mit Müh' und Not;
In seinen Armen das Kind war tot.

Who rides, so late, through night and wind?
It is the father with his child.
He holds the boy in the crook of his arm
He holds him safe, he keeps him warm.

"My son, why do you hide your face so anxiously?"
"Father, do you not see the Erlking?
The Erlking with crown and cloak?"
"My son, it's a wisp of fog."

"You lovely child, come, go with me!
Many a beautiful game I'll play with you;
Some colorful flowers are on the shore,
My mother has some golden robes."

"My father, my father, can't you hear,
What the Erlking quietly promised me?"
"Be calm, stay calm, my child;
The wind rustles through dry leaves."

"Do you want to come with me, fine lad?
My daughters should be waiting for you;
My daughters lead the nightly dances
And will rock and dance and sing you to sleep."

"My father, my father, can't you see there,
The Erlking's daughters in the gloomy place?"
"My son, my son, I see it well:
The old willows seem so gray."

"I love you, your beautiful form entices me;
And if you're not willing, I shall use force."
"My father, my father, he's grabbing me now!
The Erlking has wounded me!"

The father shudders; he rides swiftly,
He holds in his arms the moaning child.
Barely he arrives at the yard in urgency;
In his arms, the child was dead.

 

 

Terrifying Halloween Poll

 

 

Parenting at Halloween

Those Twilight Books Are Dangerous!

Last Halloween, I tipped off everyone to the dangers of Harry Potter books. This year, there is a new set of books designed to corrupt our children. The Twilight Series is the name given to these evil volumes. They were written to fill young girl's heads with crazy ideas about relationships. In the books, a young girl named Bella falls in love with a vampire named Edward. But we soon learn that having a relationship with an undead bloodsucking monster is not as glamorous as one may think.

Bella saw Edward at school one day and thought he was hot. Apparently she loved his smoldering eyes - smoldering with the hellfire of damnation if you ask me. Eventually, they started hanging out (Ice Cream Socials, Prom, etc). The whole time Edward was having wicked thoughts about killing her and gorging himself on her blood. Don't think that Bella was innocent. She spent the whole time having unclean thoughts about copulating.

The more time they spent together the less healthy their relationship became. Edward treated Bella poorly and she took it because he's hot. At one point, the following conversation occurs: ( I have paraphrased)
Edward: "um...your blood smells really good and so...um...one day I might kill you."
Bella: "Ok, I'm not scared. You're hot."

If a boy threatens to kill you, you should probably break up with him. Stepanie Meyers would have teenage girls believe men can treat them however they want when they're dating. Shame on her. When you marry a man it's true that you become his property and, according to the law, you have to put up with him and do what he says, but not when you're dating.

Let this be a lesson to you young girls. There are two kinds of men you should avoid:

If you want your girls to have healthy relationships, don't let them read Twilight. It's best to just let girls read the Bible- that's the way to learn proper feminine behavior. If your daughter is rebelious and insists on reading something 'racy', may I suggest Nancy Drew Mysteries.

 

 

What do you want to be for Halloween?

Ladies, if you said brazen hussy, you're in luck. I have found a million dirty tramp costumes. Every variety of floosy outfit is available. See for yourself. (I found all of these pictures at BuyCostumes.com check it out.)

 

Don't feel bad men. If you answered dork, you're also in luck.